


Clint Barton, the Second Favorite Bird-Venger (and Not-So Great Super-Spy)

by JewelQueen



Series: A Drabble A Day! [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brucie and Bucky aren't in this, Clint is so shocked, Generic Doombots as villains, M/M, No Spoilers, Secret Marriage, Thor is Off-Planet, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-19 00:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10628013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewelQueen/pseuds/JewelQueen
Summary: In which Tony forgets that Clint is a super-spy and accidentally drops some knowledge that Hawkeye isn't his favourite bird-venger.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short little thing I wrote, inspired by some other "Secret Boyfriends/Husbands" trope in the fandom and the whole bit with RDJ pointing out his band in that one scene in CACW. Not meant to be taken seriously.

Tony Stark’s lack of a filter has gotten him into most of the trouble he has been in with the media and just people in general. His thoughts work so fast and so hard that his brain is at more than capacity just making those leaps of logic, getting caught up in the heat of scientific breakthroughs, that it simply can’t micromanage what comes out of his mouth, even when he’s doing his best not to spew his specific brand of verbal diarrhea.

But you’d think that keeping a particular secret for some 10+ years would be exempt from that particular flaw.

“Look who could finally make it,” rang out through the comms as soon as Iron Man was in the vicinity.

“Aw, Barton, you’re just mad because you’re only my second favorite birdie,”

“Who’s the first?”

“What?” he said distractedly, aiming a repulsor blast at a Doombot that started to get too close.

“You said I’m the second,” Hawkeye continued, stringing his bow and releasing almost in the same motion. He swung around, ducking to avoid a punch and kicked a bot right in the chest, sending it back a few feet. “Who’s your favorite, then?”

“Incoming!” Falcon interrupted his drone firing in between them. Pathway cleared, Captain America tossed his shield straight through to knock out the mechanism powering the now offline bots.

“Black Widow, report,” Steve commanded.

“Area all clear, Captain,” Natasha’s voice came through. “No sign of Doom,”

“Clearly he overestimated his technology,” Tony offered. “Well, if that’s all, then I’m out,” He blasted off, ignoring Clint’s cries and Steve’s half-hearted rebukes about debriefing.

But he also underestimated Clint’s motivation for finding out the truth behind his little slip if Stark thought that was all it took. Not even a week later and the spy ambushed him one morning while enjoying being awake and productive at “normal human hours” as Steve liked to call it.

“Who is it?”

“What?” he asked on reflex before his mind flashed the appropriate reminder. “Ah, that,” Tony glanced around the room to see if there was anyone who could save him from this mini-interrogation. He locked eyes with Sam and Natasha in the kitchen preparing a meal, but neither made any moves at being his hero. He sighed.

“You got me, my favorite bird is Big Bird,” he said smoothly, returning his attention to his tablet and shrugging carelessly. “Something about all those fluffy yellow feathers really gets to me,”

Clint narrowed his eyes. “Is that so?”

“Yup,” he said, over-enunciating the ‘p’ as he skimmed through the files he was supposed to read carefully before signing for Pepper.

“What’s the name of his teddy bear?”

“Oh, come on,” He rolled his eyes. “Like I’m supposed to remember that? It’s been years since I’ve seen Sesame Street,”

“What was your first toy?”

“Peggy got me a Captain America action figure when I was four, April 3rd, 1974, a few days after my birthday but she was busy with spy stuff plus she got me the prototype that never hit the market so-fuck,” he finished, cursing his brain. He knew he shouldn’t have distracted himself when a professional spy was trying to get information out of him-even if the cover of distraction would have made it easier to get away with lying. His brain-to-mouth function just went to auto-pilot in that mode. Barton looked supremely pleased with himself.

“Um,” he looked back at Sam, the ungrateful jerk failing to hide his amusement, and then at Natasha, whose eyes were full of vindictive understanding and smirked at him, before meeting Clint’s gaze again. “Okay, one, totally doesn’t count. My childhood love for Cap trumps all love for any birds I may or may not have,”

“What’s going on?” Tony groaned as Steve returned from his morning workout. There was no point in hiding it anymore, he supposed.

“Saaaaaam, Clint’s being mean to me!” he whined.

Sam only chuckled as he made his way over, placing a bowl of fruit in front of Tony. “Eat, babe, you know you get cranky when you’re hungry,”

Clint snorted. “Yeah, like Tony would actually--wait, ‘ _babe_ ’?”

Sam crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at him. “You got something to say about what I call my husband?”

“Husband!” His voice rose to a higher pitch, darting between Tony grumpily eating his breakfast and Sam daring him to say something. “Since when?”

“Officially April 1st, 2005, so there was, you know, plausible deniability,” Tony shrugged. “But we’ve been together for a lot longer, like, forever,”

Sam softened as he smiled down on Tony. “Don’t play like you don’t know the exact date,”

He huffed. “You just want to point out how old I am compared to you,”

“Okay, not that this isn’t cute, but what the hell? Why didn’t you tell any of us?!”

Tony frowned, taking a big bite out of a piece of honeydew. “I wear my ring all the time-well, when I’m not in the workshop,”

“We had to keep quiet because of DADT,” Sam elaborated with a small frown. “And then, we just got so used to it being a secret it didn’t matter. Plus, it’s like the only thing about Tony’s life that isn’t publicized everywhere. It’s kind of nice,”

“Really, Clint, it’s kind of obvious. I’m surprised you didn’t know,” Steve joked, pouring a bowl of cereal.

“What, Nat!” he said, whirling around to catch her eye.

She shrugged. “Steve’s right,” she continued, hopping off the stool and heading towards the elevator. “Tony wears his ring all the time, and they always coo at each other,”

“No, there’s no way! I refuse to believe everyone knew about this but me!”

“Aw, birdbrain, if it’ll make you feel better, you’re more than welcome to join us,” Tony purred with a little waggle of his brows. “I’ve always wanted to be the worm in between my two favorite birds’ sandwich,”

“Tony, we talked about this!” Sam chided, a bit ineffectual given that he was also chuckling. And then also kissing him quite demonstratively.

“Ugh, I take it back, you guys are gross,” Clint groaned, stomping out of the room.

“Offer’s still on the table!” Tony called after him. 

Clint heard two choruses of laughter when his only response was to give them the bird in return.


End file.
